tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768419476036955432024-03-13T11:52:28.148-05:00twenty-seventhe rambling musings of a widow on her journey from darkness to light...Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-53308147716202533992013-04-30T21:54:00.000-05:002013-04-30T21:54:30.651-05:00A Wedding with Tears...of Joy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDEyVt6NtkJ_d9S_DGlgKo_MZdCA2pmoEfImbsig_KFxHJzYPaYjtw9mnDzw2l3qdZa-Gdt32qbqyz4zq9zlCvKenXzsxrRaxIl6b78y5VGJC7ha0RqY3UwpbKZmZKYGdTzCiRv2kgtr16/s1600/717.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDEyVt6NtkJ_d9S_DGlgKo_MZdCA2pmoEfImbsig_KFxHJzYPaYjtw9mnDzw2l3qdZa-Gdt32qbqyz4zq9zlCvKenXzsxrRaxIl6b78y5VGJC7ha0RqY3UwpbKZmZKYGdTzCiRv2kgtr16/s320/717.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of my sons got married this weekend. He is the first of my children to wed. I feared that not having my husband by my side as we watched our son become a husband would put a damper on my joy. I couldn't have been more wrong.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPnlXxfyQ0qBxUqfbYuyB7LwJ4OwswteucEjgXDj_XXV_wivQ9OGJYhbqWywkMNOOJumsNrTsiFaSampLuSEAhd4-SGlJoslMFN1d8GsL3Nj0ZdSkYpcaPR8Qc31MnGhjhEdowUMkixn5V/s1600/Cindy+&+Steve's+Chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPnlXxfyQ0qBxUqfbYuyB7LwJ4OwswteucEjgXDj_XXV_wivQ9OGJYhbqWywkMNOOJumsNrTsiFaSampLuSEAhd4-SGlJoslMFN1d8GsL3Nj0ZdSkYpcaPR8Qc31MnGhjhEdowUMkixn5V/s320/Cindy+&+Steve's+Chair.jpg" width="240" /></a>Yes, I cried. What mother of the groom doesn't? But they were tears of joy. And while my late husband wasn't physically present, his presence was surely felt. And we made sure he was an integral part of the wedding.<br />
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There was a chair for him beside me. We placed a picture of him in it...and the boutonniere that he would have worn as his son's best man.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqtH3FdOPjKVDeQyRgQsSVlsP1nGP8zqNDiNb8Q78zIZQgtMFPAAhUNSB9tq5P9k1NX-OvjnwML28YL9bGISzc3fyicxcY_VMM212EUbqyQTGFjoiyqqbDcQaUKz8pXB4n9ElXPRF3sDsX/s1600/Handkerchief.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqtH3FdOPjKVDeQyRgQsSVlsP1nGP8zqNDiNb8Q78zIZQgtMFPAAhUNSB9tq5P9k1NX-OvjnwML28YL9bGISzc3fyicxcY_VMM212EUbqyQTGFjoiyqqbDcQaUKz8pXB4n9ElXPRF3sDsX/s320/Handkerchief.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
I also took some of his dress shirts and had them made into handkerchiefs for me, my son, his bride, his brothers, and my late husband's parents and sisters to hold during the ceremony. They were embroidered with our family number "27" which is code for "I love you 24-7."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBABEWnMljRPtoOT_Tj6kO4eWcaRexgIlteKeDuLzJGRLzU0LC2YXDg8V1mXePUlT-Z1cHDwRS51NwsyIm71TzRrtSFG0HkH1MmknmRKDO7Beef_hKwayO7i5pqRsK13LDK117v3w7bDTB/s1600/Cigar+Bar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBABEWnMljRPtoOT_Tj6kO4eWcaRexgIlteKeDuLzJGRLzU0LC2YXDg8V1mXePUlT-Z1cHDwRS51NwsyIm71TzRrtSFG0HkH1MmknmRKDO7Beef_hKwayO7i5pqRsK13LDK117v3w7bDTB/s320/Cigar+Bar.jpg" width="320" /></a>My son did without a groom's cake to have a Cigar Bar in memory of his father. My late husband was crazy about his cigars and all the men smoked a big stogie in tribute to him.</div>
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I have discovered that as time eases the pain of grief, I am able to embrace with joy these life changing events. Steve will always be there...if only in my heart.<br />
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27<br />
Cyna<br />
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<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-72644888441555163412013-01-15T19:29:00.000-06:002013-01-15T19:29:37.945-06:00Sometimes...
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglhhy5ur0l9LapqiGkyDT1I8z6IDc_2OVs-aT3Q4RptkcP51ODUlF1RsbsXk6jP4Mv_6eScJsof3shhan-G0YkDeW_ukSI0jampBuTuKbEJNvPvT82sgVVVUQvWyogadAxnFKKKmn9q1RS/s1600/sad-poems.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglhhy5ur0l9LapqiGkyDT1I8z6IDc_2OVs-aT3Q4RptkcP51ODUlF1RsbsXk6jP4Mv_6eScJsof3shhan-G0YkDeW_ukSI0jampBuTuKbEJNvPvT82sgVVVUQvWyogadAxnFKKKmn9q1RS/s320/sad-poems.jpg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Sometimes smiling is the greatest act of defiance, </div>
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& sometimes asking for help is the most meaningful example of self-reliance.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sometimes the best medicine is to just laugh until you cry, </div>
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& sometimes the greatest wisdom comes from accepting you will just never know why.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sometimes just going to bed is the best antidote to trials and tribulations, </div>
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& sometimes just being blessed to get up again and fare it all, for one more day, is worthy of celebration.</div>
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27</div>
<div class="p1">
Cyna</div>
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Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-12204748138125966352012-12-30T22:44:00.000-06:002012-12-30T22:46:36.401-06:00Another Christmas Behind Me...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HMPr-5Ab8EAmxffTTr49_T-Sdx022a7l8DA56Qtk9GsJ0CZ6ChHOYkzlDOy7RTIpQViQM24ewVv1RUt-FFPI3MBRCA-HcVSt22UCiazQXC_qE-9vjffaA7AiN3z6qdLH_X0mtsXVn99e/s1600/IMG_1398.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HMPr-5Ab8EAmxffTTr49_T-Sdx022a7l8DA56Qtk9GsJ0CZ6ChHOYkzlDOy7RTIpQViQM24ewVv1RUt-FFPI3MBRCA-HcVSt22UCiazQXC_qE-9vjffaA7AiN3z6qdLH_X0mtsXVn99e/s320/IMG_1398.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">I made it through another holiday season.
I didn’t shed a single public tear.
People don’t want to hear about loss or watch you grieve when everything
is so festive. The grieving are dark
spirits in a season of laughter and light.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Christmas
has been extraordinarily hard for me for many years. I buried my father on Christmas Eve. I was so overwhelmed the first Christmas
without my husband, that I loaded up my children and ran away to a warm,
tropical locatio</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 17.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;">n. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"> Frankly, we just
skipped Christmas that year. The second
year it was financially impractical for us to go away and this year logistics
and work schedules didn’t give us a window of escape. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Steve's Tree</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">And
so, we marched on with our traditions and festivities. I decorated a tree just for Steve and lit a
candle for him to burn through the holiday.
The family tree is especially hard…for each ornament is a time capsule…a
season o</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">f each of our children’s lives, a place we have been…or special
events...all good memories. But
wonderful memories can be the hardest ones this time of year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Memory Candle</span></td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">But
memories are all we have now and I refuse to run away from them…for they are
the things I treasure most. <span style="font-size: 17pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKnQYq_A1vz5Vq2BuyoL2fWdlPQ0wda8CJ3yeYlRDUJYtHWKWXnWKEZIrUKxcS57bQt4Wove4BG_ACih5o1KT-Xk0N-ya6OpYecU-QOIUSqpNL4Zin4WLqXwuqyeNcOB8fnIShGBZlh2yx/s1600/IMG_1397.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKnQYq_A1vz5Vq2BuyoL2fWdlPQ0wda8CJ3yeYlRDUJYtHWKWXnWKEZIrUKxcS57bQt4Wove4BG_ACih5o1KT-Xk0N-ya6OpYecU-QOIUSqpNL4Zin4WLqXwuqyeNcOB8fnIShGBZlh2yx/s200/IMG_1397.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family Tree</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">God
gave me the gift of a wonderful husband who was a loving and supportive father
to his sons. Christmas is a time to be
thankful for gifts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Thank
you, God, for my time with Steve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Thank
you most of all for your gift of Jesus Christ.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">27</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 26pt;">Cyn</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 26pt;">a</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-77770344128591684112012-12-18T20:15:00.000-06:002012-12-18T20:44:27.241-06:00Losing Something <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1apNQdcJQ0UdKrOY3jlIgYu6hm4Iaz6NvtBFxztRnO93tFvazc-EN2oi8bJ_eLqGB41V7CaVQCZhjlczJ7WB1p9ISDESVXycsnYyLMCJS91DSu5J-R-TTa4_rAVnycS5vO34KwDbl97vV/s1600/photo.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1apNQdcJQ0UdKrOY3jlIgYu6hm4Iaz6NvtBFxztRnO93tFvazc-EN2oi8bJ_eLqGB41V7CaVQCZhjlczJ7WB1p9ISDESVXycsnYyLMCJS91DSu5J-R-TTa4_rAVnycS5vO34KwDbl97vV/s320/photo.jpg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
I have a lovely pair of 28 carat gold earrings that my father-in-law brought back to me from Saudi Arabia early in my marriage. The earrings are simple and beautiful…and for many years, I wore them exclusively. </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
When my late husband finished dental school and we moved to a new city, one earring was lost in the move. I was heartbroken. Being a sentimental fool, I saved the remaining earring and put it in my keepsake box. A year later, while moving from a rental home to our brand new home, I rolled up a rug and there, dangling from the underside was that missing earring! What good luck!</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Years later, at a weekend long soccer tournament, I lost one of those earrings again on the first day of the tournament. Discovering the loss at the hotel that night, I was again heartbroken. It rained the whole next day, but soccer play didn't stop. I walked multiple fields looking for the lost earring with no luck. On the last day of the tournament, heading back to our car, I spotted something shiny on the ground. Yes, it was my missing earring. Serendipity!</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Last week, I noticed early in the work day that one of my beloved earrings was again missing. I had people all over my school looking for my earring. After several days of fruitless searching, we gave up. Sadness again. Sigh. Then, over the weekend, while taking out the trash, bam…there was my earring…right by the wheel of my car. How fortune!</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
It's a joy to find lost things...</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
In J.K. Rowling's <i>Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix</i>, Luna Lovegood, seeking to comfort Harry, asserts, “Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.” </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
I lost the love of my life.</div>
<div class="p1">
How will my love come back to me?</div>
<div class="p1">
I'm looking forward to the unexpected.</div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
27</div>
<div class="p1">
Cyna</div>
Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-21757549852177586722012-12-10T20:22:00.001-06:002012-12-10T20:22:49.087-06:00A World of Hurt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPa6d-QJ2sqCW0cU22WDGwHBoqf7D25wl2N-r4gNotMXYtvVKxIrRwqf08tnCekQQFpWzbL1lOpqJLOQHuZgAYGTz99AQ2mfw9WXn9PTZpvYJCaqG2upAflQNvECaGwlT2IK4yolaqK4Lo/s1600/world-of-hurt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPa6d-QJ2sqCW0cU22WDGwHBoqf7D25wl2N-r4gNotMXYtvVKxIrRwqf08tnCekQQFpWzbL1lOpqJLOQHuZgAYGTz99AQ2mfw9WXn9PTZpvYJCaqG2upAflQNvECaGwlT2IK4yolaqK4Lo/s400/world-of-hurt.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
The last few weeks have been very difficult for my community. One of our teens died at school and another in her bed. One of our school administrators and his daughter were in a tragic car accident last week. While the child is fine, he still lays in ICU. Over the weekend, another automobile accident took the lives of two of our teens and another hangs on to life in ICU.<br />
<br />
As a teacher in this close-knit community, I know/knew all these people. I ache for all the grief and pain these families are going through. The fact that it comes at Christmas, which should be a time of joy, makes the pain cut even deeper.<br />
<br />
As my grandmother used to say, "We are in a world of hurt."<br />
<br />
All these tragedies...as well as my own...remind me that life is ephemeral. We are not promised tomorrow. We have only today. Make your today count.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Smile at a stranger.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Keep the day positive. Don't let a whine, vent, or negative thing out of your mouth.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Look for a beautiful picture to take with your camera phone and preserve a memory.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Make a new friend, even if it is the odd man behind you in the check-out line at Wal Mart.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Open the door for someone.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Say thank you. A lot. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>When you come to the end of the day, count your blessings. They are far more than you think.</li>
</ul>
<br />
So, when a world of hurt rolls your way, choose to make your day count. It will definitely make you feel better, and might shine a little light on another's day, too.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-76708503018605305112012-12-04T20:28:00.000-06:002012-12-04T20:32:13.956-06:00Imperfect Christmas<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 100%px;"><tbody>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A perfect Christmas does not exist. In a
human way of thinking, the place Jesus was born, a cave, a dark stinking cave
where animals were kept with the stench of manure, was not a perfect place for
the king of mankind to be born. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We see perfect Christmases portrayed in
movies and television. On television and in the movies, we don't often see
Christmases where people are grieving, where they have lost homes, jobs, or
opportunities. When we find ourselves in dark times, especially at Christmas,
we must go back to why Jesus was born. Jesus was not born so we could throw a
party. Jesus was born so we could have eternal life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our eternal life is much bigger,
infinitely bigger (as in infinity) than anything here on earth. No, we do not
have perfect Christmases here on earth. However, in our imperfect Christmases,
one perfection still exists. The perfection of Christmas is Christ and His love
for us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">No matter what we face on Christmas, no
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comprehension. His love is perfect…just perfect!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">27<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cyna<b style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';"><br /></span>
<div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small; text-align: center;">This post is borrowed from the </span><a href="http://www.findthepower.com/dailydevotions/DevChristmas2012TheImperfectChristmas.htm" style="font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">Christmas Daily Devotional</a></div>
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Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-26155912690511195682012-11-15T23:00:00.000-06:002012-11-15T23:00:28.563-06:00Beauty<div style="text-align: center;">
God has made everything beautiful in its time.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ecclesiastes 3:11</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2YBGmlsbTs150us-rA36E7FH6juj1eG1iWupNj5sW69vGMVIFszU9oJ_9SKC9C8rKBKwAr92U0MMBaw9kj3BqDk0m7MVu-tD-aFIaZWKouHaHVnxseFuVbnDIbJ880jKvIqTlQjoDSs5/s1600/rearviewmirror1.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2YBGmlsbTs150us-rA36E7FH6juj1eG1iWupNj5sW69vGMVIFszU9oJ_9SKC9C8rKBKwAr92U0MMBaw9kj3BqDk0m7MVu-tD-aFIaZWKouHaHVnxseFuVbnDIbJ880jKvIqTlQjoDSs5/s320/rearviewmirror1.jpg.jpg" width="239" /></a>As I was leaving work on Wednesday and looked in my rear-view mirror to back out of my parking spot, as was startled to see a stranger looking back at me. Who was that crypt keeper in the mirror? Surely not me. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But it was me.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Ewwww.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It seems that in my effort to stretch out my last few minutes in bed that morning, I woke up 20 minutes late. My dash to readiness was fast an furious. It wasn't until the end of the day that I realized I had not put make-up on.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And no one said a word.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Well, a few people asked me if I wasn't feeling well. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But still...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
All make-up aside...I've aged 10 years since Steve died. I am not the vibrant, smiling, happy-go-lucky girl of my past. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That makes me sad.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I miss that inner glow of beauty that being loved brings.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Perhaps God will bring it to me again.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
27</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Cyna</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-27484614365609693892012-11-11T21:00:00.000-06:002012-11-11T21:08:10.906-06:00Grief and the Holidays Survival Guide<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAJRN-HHFzEXinKbdDVr4MN5EUUefExg0R5QGk1STHWImLC40Qy9GfzUJS6okGz-54j2QmnjAnxuhE3OAfoV-_fP6sCYGTkGBhx9uEIpPT4XjoJUGb1eAOvu_bGVIMZaMYJU7JYM5lvI_k/s1600/SSLF_logo_(2)-4e0b3a3782c5b.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAJRN-HHFzEXinKbdDVr4MN5EUUefExg0R5QGk1STHWImLC40Qy9GfzUJS6okGz-54j2QmnjAnxuhE3OAfoV-_fP6sCYGTkGBhx9uEIpPT4XjoJUGb1eAOvu_bGVIMZaMYJU7JYM5lvI_k/s320/SSLF_logo_(2)-4e0b3a3782c5b.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The holiday season is upon us and for those grieving the loss of a loved one...this normally festive time can be a source of heartache and pain. Today, I am sharing some holiday management tips for anyone grieving the loss of someone they love this holiday season. These tips come from <a href="http://sslf.org/index.html">The Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation</a>, a wonderful organization that helps the bereaved...me included. Please check out their site and programs, especially <a href="http://www.campwidow.org/">Camp Widow</a>. I attended Camp Widow last spring and it was a wonderful healing experience for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal">Give yourself
permission to feel how you feel about a particular holiday, or the
holidays in general. Mixed feelings are normal too...you may find yourself
okay one day and not okay the next. Try to go with the emotional flow.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Don't be
afraid to consider doing something totally different for this year or one
for one particular holiday. You are living with changes to your holidays
that you didn't choose...why not make some you do choose?<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Feel free to
add tears to any recipe. Really. Sometimes a good cry is just what you
need when smelling, cooking, or eating your loved ones favorite dish. A
change of scenery sometimes makes a difference. If you are feeling blue,
plan an outing that has nothing to do with holiday cheer just for a
respite from the holiday buzz.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Identify what
your grief triggers are in regards to the holidays. It is easy to say,
"Everything!"...but what are they exactly? Family time?
Traditions? Lights? Certain foods? The more information you are armed with
the better....knowing is so much better than NOT knowing where your
"grief bruises" are located!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Give yourself
permission freely: to change things, to keep them the same, to stay home,
to go out, to skip a portion of an event or to skip the whole
thing...allow yourself to consider what you need, then give yourself the
permission to DO it...or not do it....whichever works!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Remember that
there is no such thing as the "perfect" holiday. No matter what
the commercials on TV tell you. It may appear that everyone else has it
all, but we are all just humans doing the best we can. This is not meant
to minimize the loss you feel, but rather to point out that romanticizing
the holiday season is a very easy trap to fall into.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Revel in small
comforts. Allow yourself to get momentarily lost in a cup of hot
chocolate, a hilarious moment, or a movie you love. Even small doses of
calm will improve your overall ability to move through the holiday season.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Make plans.
Watch a movie at home or go to the park or take a walk or have lunch with
a friend...making even a small plan helps you take some charge of your
days.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Take the
holidays one at a time. Try not to lump them together. Rather than think
of the long lead up to the end of the year, try taking it just one day at
a time.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Practice
gratitude…especially when you don't feel like it. Find just one thing
every day that makes your heart swell.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Give your
feelings about the holiday season room; space to just be what they are
without trying to change them.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Get outside.
Literally. Take a walk, get out of the house, go for a drive....when you
feel overwhelmed by the idea of not spending this holiday with your loved
one a change of scenery may be a balm for your aching heart.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">What is your
plan for the holiday dinner? Maybe you can have a meal with other friends
and neighbors who don't have a place to go for the holiday. Your
invitation might be totally make their day!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Accept love,
time, and invitations from friends who lift you up. Community matters.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Think of ways
to include your loved ones memory in your holiday celebration. Whether you
cook their favorite pie or ask family members to share something about
your loved one for which they are grateful...including someone you miss,
in even a small way, acknowledges the gift they have been in your life.
That gift is on-going...you never lose the love.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Plan an escape
route. You may need a minute during a holiday celebration to let the tears
fall. Just like on a plane...identify your nearest exit and be prepared to
use it if needed! Taking a short break sometimes makes all the difference.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">The day before
a holiday can sometimes be harder than the day itself! Knowing that
families everywhere are preparing to share the day with loved ones, and
imagining the joy of holidays past can lead to a tearful day for those
missing a person they love so much. Grab onto the memories and remind
yourself of why they are precious to you. Imagine a funny moment with your
loved one and replay it as many times as needed. You can do this!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Try not to let
what you don't have rob you of the joy you get from what you DO have. Make
a memory today that you will cherish tomorrow. Remember that so often when
we lose someone we grieve the small, everyday things...don't let those
slip through your fingers today. Celebrate your love by loving.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Don't be
surprised if you have a "grief hangover" the day after a
holiday. Emotional days can take a toll physically. Get outside, do some
good self-care, and give yourself a break the day after!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Holiday
decorations are going up all over the place! So, create a safe place in
your home. Decorate or don't decorate; buy a candle you love; let the kids
decorate however they like; create a decor free spot where you can
retreat; make your space, YOUR space. When you are traveling through your
day in an environment you can't control...know that you are going to
return to the safe space you've created. Now, go make your safe haven!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Allow yourself
to have fun...do something you love. Doesn't have to be a big deal, but
taking a fun time out will improve your coping stamina.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Holidays are
often accompanied by a sense of obligation. In your past life maybe you
never missed Aunt Mae's holiday bash, you put up decorations on a specific
weekend, and you had your gifts purchased and wrapped by a certain
day...in this new life, give yourself permission to NOT do it ALL. Choose
one thing that you will commit to showing up for, and let the rest be
optional. Missing the party one time doesn't mean you are never going
back.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Go ahead be a
Grinch. Yep, stomp your feet, shake your fist, and shout something
inappropriate out loud. Sometimes you just have to embrace your inner
green goblin to release some holiday tension!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Gather. Gather
your friends, gather your family, gather your thoughts, gather candles,
gather flowers, gather some widowed peeps...gather around you what fills
your soul. Fill up, so you have fuel for the journey ahead.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Say YES
sometimes. Struggling with the holidays may cause the desire to hibernate
all season long. Some days that is just fine, other days saying yes to an
invitation may be just what you need to lift your spirits. Go ahead say
yes.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Take a moment
during the holiday fray to focus on the person you are missing's LIFE, and
what they added to yours. Really celebrate that for a focused moment. It
can be so easy to get swallowed up by our loved ones death, that we lose
track of how they lived their life. Cheers to your amazing person!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Weekends can
be especially hard during the holiday season as "everyone" seems
to be busy with family things, parties, and general merriment. Make a plan
for the weekend, even if the plan is to stay in. Consciously choosing what
you are doing makes a difference...and if you don't want to stay in...get
out! Take a drive, go to a park, have lunch with a friend...in any case
the choice is yours.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Go small. If
you are trying to regain some holiday spirit or just muster enough for the
kids, start small. Less lights, smaller tree, ten cards instead of fifty,
Hanukkah gifts for only the nearest and dearest...you get the idea. You
don't have to do it all, you can decide to do some.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Go ahead and
count the days. When you think of all you have already made it through...you
can do 30ish more days! Consider it a different kind of count down<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Go Charlie
Brown. Simple is beautiful.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Buy yourself a
gift your loved one would have delighted in giving you...something just
for you.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Share a memory
of your loved one during the holidays. Out loud. With someone who loves
them too.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Take a break.
Having a hard time with a holiday task? Walk away for a minute or an hour
and then try again. No one says you have to get anything done all at once!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Drink water,
eat well...give your body what it needs to help weather the emotional
days. Often easier said than done, but try to keep yourself as physically
well as possible!<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Try really
hard not to imagine that everyone around you is having the holiday season
of their dreams. In so many ways we are all just making our way the best
we can...even those who 'appear' to have everything...or those who aren't
grieving the loss of someone they love. Imagine hope.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">These are just
a few ways we have found to make the holiday season a little easier for
those missing someone they love so much. For more tips, and to find a
community of support for anyone grieving a loss, please visit <b><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://sslf.org/index.html">The Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation</a></span></b>.<b><o:p></o:p></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope Matters.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">27</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cyna<br /><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-21133674829382256532012-10-31T22:19:00.000-05:002012-10-31T22:19:43.779-05:00I'm Sorry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieZ7ZZiUM67ayUTV3t0yzGQf-Xbm1Ael-mzlBFOOanQa3r5bNYQW8cSl31uNODQBhwJw0F3s7udj0TzjaABKgiCzJNfY2Hh-2TlLNbuZlJ39jF6GY2sa_-Ya0sAbW_6dOiHZweiJuKQ2Y8/s1600/im-sorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieZ7ZZiUM67ayUTV3t0yzGQf-Xbm1Ael-mzlBFOOanQa3r5bNYQW8cSl31uNODQBhwJw0F3s7udj0TzjaABKgiCzJNfY2Hh-2TlLNbuZlJ39jF6GY2sa_-Ya0sAbW_6dOiHZweiJuKQ2Y8/s320/im-sorry.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I made a devastatingly horrible mistake today. <br />
<br />
As is my routine, I check my Facebook each morning and send birthday wishes to all on my list. It's always a happy or funny picture. Something to make the birthday girl or guy smile on their special day.<br />
<br />
This evening I received a message from the daughter of someone I wished happy birthday to recently. She very kindly informed me that her father had passed away and sent me a link to his obituary.<br />
<br />
My heart sank to my stomach.<br />
How could I have been so stupid?<br />
How could I have missed his passing?<br />
How could I have hurt his family with my misguided birthday wishes?<br />
<br />
I remember when Steve's first heavenly birthday rolled around and friends that we hadn't seen in ages wrote him birthday wishes on his Facebook page. I, too, had to share the sad news with them of Steve's passing. It was grueling.<br />
<br />
I hope the family of my college friend forgives me for my mistake. I hope they know how much I liked their father and how much fun he was in college. I hope they know that I grieve with them. I hope they know that I will envelop them in prayers. I hope they find peace on this rocky journey called grief.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-61003539949066612992012-10-30T20:23:00.001-05:002012-10-31T16:51:34.617-05:00Life Isn't Fair<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJkeQwOUIYpg5TghyBEDJVpkoZ35yysGLqWeSzczvwWw6P3JRKkl8xEDdFTMmOGKpmSIOhe1nagA63DYM5Qs8VT32oDUnjqDQdYMymzvtUJ3P0sLYRjCwC0Zr4qLzHgixpEwdf7Q6I-fs/s1600/Dear+Life.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJkeQwOUIYpg5TghyBEDJVpkoZ35yysGLqWeSzczvwWw6P3JRKkl8xEDdFTMmOGKpmSIOhe1nagA63DYM5Qs8VT32oDUnjqDQdYMymzvtUJ3P0sLYRjCwC0Zr4qLzHgixpEwdf7Q6I-fs/s320/Dear+Life.jpg" width="241" /></a>Our heads know life isn't fair. Unfortunately, our hearts still hold out hope that if we do the right things, are kind to people, and give more than we take that life will give us a "Get Out of Suffering Free" card. Oh, how our hearts deceive us!<br />
<br />
Sometimes...life is VERY unfair.<br />
VERY, VERY unfair.<br />
And when you're routinely knocked to your knees with a giant punch from the universe, it's hard to see past your pain and recognize the headache in others.<br />
<br />
I am very ashamed to admit that I've let someone down who is going through a really tough situation in their life. <br />
<br />
I've been so preoccupied with my own worries and anxieties and pain that I've failed to give this person the support they need.<br />
<br />
Grief has made me selfish. I've never been selfish before. This realization disturbs me.<br />
<br />
I must do better for those I love.<br />
I will do better for those I love.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-88395273586413282222012-10-25T19:26:00.001-05:002012-10-25T20:12:44.672-05:00It's Been One of Those WeeksIt's official. I'm falling apart at the seams.<br />
<br />
I've had three different doctor's appointments this week. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWzRex1ycs5E41WsryWzv_Ij9MAk2bWq7sCDnnoG8XzvVFzv6gnHDqmyK_qO-R6_FAhODPT4w1j_jh_nfe_VT0cC2fVuor6VreB908joSI62eektFhLUBahlXOJqq1XIpBRQz3AAnUuic8/s1600/One+of+Those+Days.jpg_thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWzRex1ycs5E41WsryWzv_Ij9MAk2bWq7sCDnnoG8XzvVFzv6gnHDqmyK_qO-R6_FAhODPT4w1j_jh_nfe_VT0cC2fVuor6VreB908joSI62eektFhLUBahlXOJqq1XIpBRQz3AAnUuic8/s1600/One+of+Those+Days.jpg_thumb.jpg" /></a>On Monday I was injected approximately 100 times with different venoms and shellfish while I was watched for 3+ hours for an anaphylactic reaction. I left without incident, however all the pen marks and injection sites made me look like I had been hit repetitively with a mace and a waffle iron. Oh, the horror.<br />
<br />
Wednesday was my annual "lady doctor" day. My doctor is a dear friend, and I so enjoyed visiting with him. However, the part where I had to get naked, put on a paper blanket and have my "personals" prodded and poked was a little invasive. My good doctor wants to remove some parts...in the near future. I kinda like my parts. I have some decisions to make on that "end."<br />
<br />
That very same day I made my yearly trek to the Imaging Center. In honor of "Think Pink" month...I had my mammary glands pressed in a refrigerator door and further flattened with a vice for optimal x-ray advantage. I'll get my results in a week. Joy.<br />
<br />
Today was my eye doctor's appointment. I am pleased to report that all is well with my eyes. However, I am a twitch more farsighted, so the strength of my mono-vision contact has been tweaked. This appointment was gloriously brief and painless.<br />
<br />
I'm still waiting on my rheumatologist appointment. It was originally scheduled for December 20th...a lifetime for one with rheumatoid arthritis. However, my incessant calling has garnered me a November appointment. I believe if I keep calling...they will finally just get tired of me and work me in earlier...you know, the whole squeaky wheel theory.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OY7lLN9bKzVaPZLs-WnbVp20OC7jxQ_rVozq2kEQOXZPUuWY1bnl9u0dmQlkqPgYMJYQ-uCSzLSdxyj-a0zs5sfEWRH3gUwn9DTSyE4xdVow-QtJ-01487IDXj5obllit3nYq9Jo0hdQ/s1600/Blessing20Token.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OY7lLN9bKzVaPZLs-WnbVp20OC7jxQ_rVozq2kEQOXZPUuWY1bnl9u0dmQlkqPgYMJYQ-uCSzLSdxyj-a0zs5sfEWRH3gUwn9DTSyE4xdVow-QtJ-01487IDXj5obllit3nYq9Jo0hdQ/s200/Blessing20Token.jpg" width="200" /></a>Speaking of squeaky wheels...I blather on. It's been a hard week, but I am blessed. And those blessings are what keep me going...even when the going is tough.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-7562085742553073212012-10-15T21:19:00.002-05:002012-10-15T21:19:43.131-05:00Don't Give UpI haven't posted in a while as I've contemplated the merits of continuing my blog. I am conflicted. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhArfKonJSHgoOfianWblTXexp7-ReMyN-wNS1W9j5I6KV4Ca2qle3CpHj_Xg1NmxHXIaGpEWpqG3jUZKlejw89WQ5nxbV2hJWszwiX4WP8h6KG9hpUvLck8lvHcoGF8Yg6nnIIRKwY3VOM/s1600/Don't+Give+Up.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhArfKonJSHgoOfianWblTXexp7-ReMyN-wNS1W9j5I6KV4Ca2qle3CpHj_Xg1NmxHXIaGpEWpqG3jUZKlejw89WQ5nxbV2hJWszwiX4WP8h6KG9hpUvLck8lvHcoGF8Yg6nnIIRKwY3VOM/s320/Don't+Give+Up.jpg" width="212" /></a><br />
Oh, I still have so much more to say...<br />
But should I?<br />
<br />
Twenty-seven months ago my world came to an end. <br />
For almost 2 years I've shared every valley...pain...fear...heartache.<br />
The grief journey never ends.<br />
And honest to goodness...the second year was the worst.<br />
But I've moved into year three...<br />
Do I need to keep telling my story?<br />
Do I keep writing so people know how this all turns out well?<br />
<br />
I'm not "there" yet. I'm still looking for my path.<br />
I guess I expected God to have landing lights on the tarmac leading me to where I should go. I've looked for bread crumbs...inspiration from music...scripture...even lucky pennies.<br />
<br />
Let me clue you in.<br />
The path...my path...is crystal clear to God.<br />
I'm either not looking or listening hard enough to find it.<br />
But it is there.<br />
That I know for sure.<br />
<br />
So I won't give up.<br />
I'll keep my ears and eyes open...and my feet moving.<br />
And if it still helps those walking behind me, I'll keep writing.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-20401517223007699722012-09-09T21:15:00.000-05:002012-09-09T21:15:30.850-05:00I'm Lonely
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m lonely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s probably not a shock.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a widow. It’s
expected.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And don’t get me wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friends and family do their very best to make me feel
included.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also know that I could call a dozen people who would go
with me to a movie, a meal, or shopping.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love you all, but you are not my husband.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzE-uq6KXv6dCca5KgBwpIwQPNvwZyuO1N1DBwNTDRjkQ85BTwsNz5IM9tgwcLsLfPHyGcLbX7bZd2UBdvxAfaI4xZs3evfzLAU-HQ14PwTJ6F2jpXyGRxWAwBkkG-3XXASwoLlLtpMu4y/s1600/z1500502g29.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzE-uq6KXv6dCca5KgBwpIwQPNvwZyuO1N1DBwNTDRjkQ85BTwsNz5IM9tgwcLsLfPHyGcLbX7bZd2UBdvxAfaI4xZs3evfzLAU-HQ14PwTJ6F2jpXyGRxWAwBkkG-3XXASwoLlLtpMu4y/s320/z1500502g29.jpeg" width="320" /></a>I’m like a solider who has lost a limb.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can give me prosthesis for my loss, but it’s never the
same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s NEVER the same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I miss what I lost…feel phantom pain in it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Several widows have mentored me, which is a blessing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I belong to a wonderful on-line support group where I
can share my heart with fellow “amputees.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They confirm that my feelings are normal…that I’m not crazy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They get me and my aches because they are living it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But nothing, NOTHING can take the place, in my life and
heart, of what has been taken from me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am left with this unending solitude…this forever one-ness…even in a
crowd.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It never ends.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no one to share my joys and burdens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no one to bounce ideas with or share secrets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no one to cuddle up against when it gets cold at
night.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no one to look forward to seeing at the end of the
day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can fill my waking hours with all sorts of activities,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when I crawl into bed at night…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am still a lonely widow missing the man who was amputated
from my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
27</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cyna </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-83810279278506998252012-09-02T22:20:00.002-05:002012-09-03T20:45:35.654-05:00Being Prepared for Death 101<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeYjN7Wwfpu5bvVGX8oP_q6TE2W_kHZMMKpe5x7O-Mk80DWr4BkB1q69ULz3naQq7YQx3C9ReIoyHLRXBYIibxatj3uwpFwajNwiwOn7Gx-5llUI3A7_m-SWZVlyqG-5wdMVlrMJwnI6bJ/s1600/Photo+on+9-2-12+at+10.15+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeYjN7Wwfpu5bvVGX8oP_q6TE2W_kHZMMKpe5x7O-Mk80DWr4BkB1q69ULz3naQq7YQx3C9ReIoyHLRXBYIibxatj3uwpFwajNwiwOn7Gx-5llUI3A7_m-SWZVlyqG-5wdMVlrMJwnI6bJ/s400/Photo+on+9-2-12+at+10.15+PM.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
It has been a while since I've posted. I've been downsizing and purging and all the other headaches and heartaches that go with a move. <br />
<br />
My Steve has been gone more than 2 years, but the red tape of his death still plagues me. What really bothers me is that a lot of this could have been avoided if we'd done just a few minor things along the way.<br />
<br />
My friends have encouraged me to share these, as they were completely unaware how very little things can become mountains to overcome when a spouse dies. While it is my prayer than none reading this post will experience the untimely death of your spouse, I do want you to be informed and proactive.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Get every utility in BOTH your names with the word OR between them. That includes power, water, gas, phone, cell service, alarm service, termite bond, etc. Because all these things were in my husband's name only, I had to get them in my own name and pay a fee for my trouble.</li>
<li>Get every financial account in BOTH your names with the word OR between them. This will include checking, savings, retirement, investments, etc. If you don't, be prepared for a great deal of time and effort to get this settled. Oh, and don't leave home without a death certificate and a Letters of Testamentary with you to get them in your name.</li>
<li>Get every automobile, boat, motorcycle, and property in BOTH your names with the word OR between them. Dealing with the agencies that handle these things is a nightmare.</li>
<li>Get a will. Today.</li>
<li>Make sure you know all your family finances...where your money is invested, how much debt you have, where all the legal papers are, and how and when bills are paid. (Have your power turned off in the middle of a horrible thunderstorm because your late husband paid that bill by automatic bank draft and you didn't know that.)</li>
<li>Know where your tax documents are stored. Know WHO your family accountant is and how to get in touch with them.</li>
<li>Begin NOW prepaying for your funeral...unless you have an extra $25,000 just laying around to pay that unexpected cost. Go ahead and buy your burial plots, too.</li>
</ol>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div>
I am sure there are more, but those are the ones that gave me the biggest challenge. You will weather all of this. You will learn how to handle the family finances on your own. You will overcome all these obstacles. However, you can make things easier for yourself by being proactive now.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
27</div>
<div>
Cyna</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-63772735225531468452012-08-04T16:17:00.000-05:002012-08-04T16:17:10.323-05:00Good TimberEarly in our marriage my husband faced an adversity he didn't contribute to or create. It was the first time I saw something throw him off kilter. The unfairness of it all made me mad, but my anger would not have helped Steve. All I could do was quietly support him. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYZpY8AofOS2J881gCQBTUJGZmA9lNnmTRKPbXGlxt1SYURPhWU8PYvruv0e_idSogn1kk5ruSnYuCv3C5-uN-Pg7zfaP2xy5ejaPOFkFvLH7PRCz743YKf9suinx0PRcCCLaHs7yrIgf/s1600/forest+wallpaper987.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYZpY8AofOS2J881gCQBTUJGZmA9lNnmTRKPbXGlxt1SYURPhWU8PYvruv0e_idSogn1kk5ruSnYuCv3C5-uN-Pg7zfaP2xy5ejaPOFkFvLH7PRCz743YKf9suinx0PRcCCLaHs7yrIgf/s320/forest+wallpaper987.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVlueJ4zke6JdBr13QT0Afffg_tXGh6jHz-GS3SRLviFIoVs5cE3HALJIu7O5DwKl02VyZxe7WvyjOF0YlQHV1ucbet79Zk825DYz_z8ARdaL_qbyCeVYHkN0zPDIqSVkk7pGclwYWGF-M/s1600/forest%2520wallpaper987.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I gave him a card with a poem that I hoped would give him perspective. Recently, while cleaning out his things, I found this very poem...weathered and worn. For him to save it all those years, meant he read it when something new shook his confidence. It it had meant something to him then...and finding it means something to me now.<br />
<br />
Through that tattered paper, Steve was sending me a message...begging me to keep perspective...and not to let the unfairness of life keep me from being what I was meant to be. He was imploring me to stand tall, even though the winds blow with force against me.<br />
<br />
I needed that message today...just like Steve needed it so long ago.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><h2 style="font-size: 25px; font-variant: small-caps;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Good Timber</span></h2>
<ul><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">by Douglas Malloch</span></span></ul>
<ul><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></ul>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The tree that never had to fight<br />For sun and sky and air and light,<br />But stood out in the open plain<br />And always got its share of rain,<br />Never became a forest king<br />But lived and died a scrubby thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The man who never had to toil<br />To gain and farm his patch of soil,<br />Who never had to win his share<br />Of sun and sky and light and air,<br />Never became a manly man<br />But lived and died as he began.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Good timber does not grow with ease:<br />The stronger wind, the stronger trees;<br />The further sky, the greater length;<br />The more the storm, the more the strength.<br />By sun and cold, by rain and snow,<br />In trees and men good timbers grow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Where thickest lies the forest growth,<br />We find the patriarchs of both.<br />And they hold counsel with the stars<br />Whose broken branches show the scars<br />Of many winds and much of strife.<br />This is the common law of life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></ul>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-29450369681004396122012-08-01T22:11:00.000-05:002012-08-01T22:11:02.132-05:00Light on a Dark Path<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVR8SGu6o_fABnm0mxXLIw7zVW5efOCsGyq4UiGHDHw7MHVyVsHZhYHk8ZYUfSUECEIC51iKrChJTeFG-tQQlxU5OIVriGzjeMZBVSVEdAyFNKPyHS6twdtWpwwYhP1EURzhFI1RikJGQN/s1600/the-dark-path-of-light.thumbnail.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVR8SGu6o_fABnm0mxXLIw7zVW5efOCsGyq4UiGHDHw7MHVyVsHZhYHk8ZYUfSUECEIC51iKrChJTeFG-tQQlxU5OIVriGzjeMZBVSVEdAyFNKPyHS6twdtWpwwYhP1EURzhFI1RikJGQN/s320/the-dark-path-of-light.thumbnail.jpeg" width="252" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://enlightenyourday.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/the-dark-path-of-light.thumbnail.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="p1">
Writing this blog is my therapy. I could keep it in a journal for my eyes only, but I don't. I lay my hurt, fears, pain, anger, and other assorted unsavory emotions out there for the world to see. </div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Some have questioned why I continued to write.</div>
<div class="p1">
Yes, my husband has been gone two years. </div>
<div class="p1">
The thing is...I will always grieve.</div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPy-4wZ0CbAwl-VPzINiiFY5dV19Wn31ZpnoN4UQHjXx8vSkJuiDMRriWeX1-WjZmz_F-RvW-xvFLJnjXbgBsQvZpI1G0_OpFasss-pg9BceZYnQBjbhU4qXdkNA29FZx_cM2vk7Wx4b0m/s1600/Woman-journaling-on-mountain-top.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPy-4wZ0CbAwl-VPzINiiFY5dV19Wn31ZpnoN4UQHjXx8vSkJuiDMRriWeX1-WjZmz_F-RvW-xvFLJnjXbgBsQvZpI1G0_OpFasss-pg9BceZYnQBjbhU4qXdkNA29FZx_cM2vk7Wx4b0m/s320/Woman-journaling-on-mountain-top.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://beingwelllifestyles.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Woman-journaling-on-mountain-top.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
When I write about my grief, I’m not begging for pity or trying to get attention. I’m mostly sharing because you or someone you care about is going to lose someone they love in the near future. And when you/they do, the feelings will be just as grueling, unfathomable and misunderstood as the ones I've experienced. Grief has so many manifestations and there is no sorting out its complexities. </div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
But if my writings have given you any gift…I hope my honesty will help you or help you help someone you care about create light on this dark path of grief.</div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
27</div>
<div class="p1">
Cyna</div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-27125434653937013832012-07-21T23:06:00.001-05:002012-07-21T23:06:38.438-05:00Courage to Start All Over Again<div style="text-align: left;">
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<b>“For what it’s worth:
it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope
you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you
feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different
point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re
not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>~ <span style="text-decoration: none;">Eric Roth</span>, <i><span style="text-decoration: none;">The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
screenplay</span> ~</i><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>For two years I have
lived in limbo land...trying to live my old life without Steve. Well, to
a rational person, this idea was a fantasy that could not be a reality. I
now know it was fantasy...it just took me a long time to figure that out.
The reality is that I had to give up many fascists of my old
life and make the best of the life I have now.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ssWkummgwgerMeM5r3e8ybyqdUVUxljX6QVDceuVQqrMjPyIVuLYaCfHYHFNXwRpzWhc-SsP5VcHRoyIHvwSbpcHsi9LyDwo2MVJXBP_VyIWHppHyM7mqK-TIChSOmvJnaUvMLAYh40V/s1600/SOLD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><b><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ssWkummgwgerMeM5r3e8ybyqdUVUxljX6QVDceuVQqrMjPyIVuLYaCfHYHFNXwRpzWhc-SsP5VcHRoyIHvwSbpcHsi9LyDwo2MVJXBP_VyIWHppHyM7mqK-TIChSOmvJnaUvMLAYh40V/s320/SOLD.jpg" width="240" /></b></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">See the reality sign <br />that says SOLD?</span></b></td></tr>
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<b>So, I made (or tried to
make) some positive changes in my life that took me way out of my comfort zone.
To my great disappointment, one didn't work out for me. But the
other, not only worked out...it was a slam dunk. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>I bought a new house.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>Well, make that a town
house.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>I closed on it Friday.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>I'm leaving my adult
sons behind in the family home and moving on (or moving on up...to the east
side).<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Since I am in no rush to
move, I'm going to do it a room at a time. And, the old family home is getting the great enema...a purge of all the flotsam and jetsam that has drifted its way into every nook and cranny of our house over the 26 years we've lived there. I am going to toss the stuff without </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>value and donate the rest. The Rivers of Living Water</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Thrift Store is going to LOVE me!!!! </b></div>
<b>
</b><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>This move is my first
step in starting all over again.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>It's a giant leap for
me, but I'm jumping without fear.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>And that, my friends,
makes me proud of myself.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>27<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Cyna</b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 17.9398136138916px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 17.9398136138916px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-55977079588714117912012-07-18T23:48:00.000-05:002012-07-18T23:48:57.714-05:00Death: The Gift that Keeps on Ungiving<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiheTMz6wteIuW7sdKuPxUblbsuMiMYLwVPFlHgIgyl5ehrt9Occc_E8wtZEbHkBhDdtRi8uP9ifIAu5oU6sIV0CmdpmJgOEeqT2LYTA6zgBpRuuT7W1n1gbgWC3Cad3lNInfqsMGxlLDcu/s1600/Death-Ungiving-s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiheTMz6wteIuW7sdKuPxUblbsuMiMYLwVPFlHgIgyl5ehrt9Occc_E8wtZEbHkBhDdtRi8uP9ifIAu5oU6sIV0CmdpmJgOEeqT2LYTA6zgBpRuuT7W1n1gbgWC3Cad3lNInfqsMGxlLDcu/s400/Death-Ungiving-s.jpg" width="400" /></a>It's been two years since I lost my husband. You'd think all the red tape and run around would be over. Wrong.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
First, I couldn't get car tags because my husband was dead and the cars were in his name. So...I had to get my "Letters of Testamentary" to prove I was the recipient of his estate...like these cars didn't already belong to me. Then, one of the car titles has been relinquished to the state of Tennessee. Tennessee? Geeze...what's up with that? I have never lived in Tennessee. So, I can't get a tag for my car because the title is in Tennessee. They give me a number to call and wish me a good day. (Yeah...like my day is going to get better.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, I plod out into the hall of the County Annex and ring up this number. I need to figure this mess out while I'm here. Of course, I get a recording...and the only options are web addresses. I can't speak to a real person. Okay...so I tear up. I'm a widow...give me a break. I go back in and ask another person to help me...while I'm explaining my situation (with a distinct tremble in my voice) a supervisor overhears and offers to call on my behalf. I am so thankful... Unfortunately, it's going to take several days to figure out what is wrong. Probably a clerical error in Montgomery. Which causes me to have to return to this place when THEY figure THEIR mistake and hope it happens on or before my tag expires on July 31st.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div class="p1">
Later in the day, I call AT&T to see if I can get a better rate on my cell plan. When they find out that my husband is dead they tell me that my unlimited data plan is now null and void if I take it out of my husband's name. So, I say...okay, I won't take it out of my late husband's name...and then they tell me if I don't make changes within 7 days they will cut off my phones because the guarantor on the account is deceased...and I have to drive to an office and fill out paperwork to see if they will approve me for a contract. Now mind you, I have been paying said plan since Steve's death for TWO YEARS...I reported his death when I had his service discontinued...and now BAM...I'm going to lose my current unlimited contract and it's going to cost me MORE than before. </div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div class="p1">
Go ahead, AT&T Wireless....kick a widow when she is down. </div>
<div class="p1">
Yeah...kick me...again and again.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Death...the gift that keeps on ungiving.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
27</div>
<div>
Cyna</div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-84013394160718027902012-07-16T22:38:00.000-05:002012-07-16T22:38:14.875-05:00Regret or Rejoice<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6-H4im8188uUmONA2BH-m8ppvJKFQ4E9XruNJipt3QBFfDR3c5jtnyUFdAhh6lXX4dR6VfIemsPALta_aYh6QyirSItoZTK-5NWebNhkyMtMVxKQIhyPSyJQ-9YjuSiJ_ZoRcBHG9knc/s1600/regret+or+rejoice.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6-H4im8188uUmONA2BH-m8ppvJKFQ4E9XruNJipt3QBFfDR3c5jtnyUFdAhh6lXX4dR6VfIemsPALta_aYh6QyirSItoZTK-5NWebNhkyMtMVxKQIhyPSyJQ-9YjuSiJ_ZoRcBHG9knc/s640/regret+or+rejoice.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.sjnorcalgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Inspirational-Quotes-4.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Times, they are a changing...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Yep, I'm taking a big step this week...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
A huge leap of faith into my new future.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I should feel afraid, anxious or overwhelmed.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But a sublime peace has settled over me.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It's the most peace I've felt in more than two years.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And it feels pretty darn good.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm tired of regret.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It's time to rejoice.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
27</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Cyna</div>
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<br /></div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-67567548548715809132012-07-06T23:59:00.001-05:002012-07-06T23:59:36.243-05:00Second Angelversary<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtb6qKMh1-Fg6tjKQWR5UjWemJTn_LKIhTYh1gt8y6fxwNJBka1XYvBXXtbkk2FjZe0rivrcAL6JseTMErUFa0D69F1G59AA_p151N0BWAOs4IoGl-uCkh-o7COtmyXtO7s1jAtjffX1RQ/s1600/Steve+Memory+Candle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtb6qKMh1-Fg6tjKQWR5UjWemJTn_LKIhTYh1gt8y6fxwNJBka1XYvBXXtbkk2FjZe0rivrcAL6JseTMErUFa0D69F1G59AA_p151N0BWAOs4IoGl-uCkh-o7COtmyXtO7s1jAtjffX1RQ/s400/Steve+Memory+Candle.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of
weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of
unspeakable love.” </b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Washington Irving~<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Yesterday was the second
anniversary of Steve's death. There was an outpouring of love from my
friends and family. A friend kept me occupied all day so that I would not
lay in my bed and feel sorry for myself. She and I reminisced about
Steve...laughed over the funny things he would do and say. We talked
about what we missed most about him. It was a positive remembrance.
I was able to remember Steve with joy instead of tears. </b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_6E7yTBAXugnjmSDvkX1jzCqeBsvA0EeBPuWi02LVM4qmWg9k-48x7_z8kcMB933cANkVaAE1eDVe-SNwJmBAZgpndl1MbFocuEvq0j6veuxolnQh_EK9K1VK3fpcmplMWfUFSjUrKkvF/s1600/In+Loving+Memory+blog+edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_6E7yTBAXugnjmSDvkX1jzCqeBsvA0EeBPuWi02LVM4qmWg9k-48x7_z8kcMB933cANkVaAE1eDVe-SNwJmBAZgpndl1MbFocuEvq0j6veuxolnQh_EK9K1VK3fpcmplMWfUFSjUrKkvF/s320/In+Loving+Memory+blog+edit.jpg" width="240" /></span></a><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The longer Steve is gone, the
more I am able to focus on all the great memories we made together. Our
life together wasn't perfect, but it was imperfectly perfect for us. I
was so blessed for the time I had with him. I am choosing to remember his
life rather than his death...his accomplishments...his quirky sense of
humor...his generosity...his eternal optimism...his passion for life...his love
for his family...his devotion to me...his unshakable faith.</b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>This would be how Steve would
want to be remembered.</b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>And I honored him on his
angelversary by doing exactly that.</b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>27</b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cyna</span></b><b><span style="color: #cdc353; font-family: 'Coming Soon', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-84716164392905348742012-07-03T14:02:00.000-05:002012-07-03T14:02:58.263-05:00I Am Not ThereOn July 5th my husband will be gone 2 years. Two years! I'm still looking at the door, waiting for him to come home. It's just not real...<br />
<br />
Someone said to me yesterday, "Steve would want you to be happy...enjoy life." She is right. My head knows this, but my heart says, "But how can I be happy and enjoy life without Steve?" <br />
<br />
I found this poem on the internet. It really spoke to me...spoke for Steve. These things I need to hold in my head until my heart catches up.<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #ffe599; color: #f1c232;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 20.833332061767578px;">`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 20.833332061767578px;">`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 20.833332061767578px;">`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.888888359069824px; line-height: 20.833332061767578px;">`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'`'~,.,~'</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgljAvayJ3WAAedpvd44ViU4wXyEYumwtUz8-icj5BhJgCj-VaOnEk4Er7O14P12ShtRABr8gwo07eYBx885Ba27Es3Y_59ZSsF1vHDPLm-zPKpU3_ec6ZqOfmYmn_5BFiwlg27cdZ1IDPP/s1600/SummerRain.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgljAvayJ3WAAedpvd44ViU4wXyEYumwtUz8-icj5BhJgCj-VaOnEk4Er7O14P12ShtRABr8gwo07eYBx885Ba27Es3Y_59ZSsF1vHDPLm-zPKpU3_ec6ZqOfmYmn_5BFiwlg27cdZ1IDPP/s320/SummerRain.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://api.ning.com/files/XnFjqROPHG0vKAgELsydWqXSQXJR9DHgDRzrtfgWRpvrbULxDmlzZCgy2*F9318AcmBpEmGHpikjMNJJcJUkwSIyQ--ddzfX/SummerRain.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="p1">
I AM NOT THERE</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Do not stand at my grave and weep;</div>
<div class="p1">
I am not there. I do not sleep.</div>
<div class="p1">
I am a thousand winds that blow,</div>
<div class="p1">
I am the diamond glints on snow,</div>
<div class="p1">
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,</div>
<div class="p1">
I am the gentle autumn's rain.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
When you awaken in the morning's hush,</div>
<div class="p1">
I am the swift uplifting rush,</div>
<div class="p1">
Of quiet birds circled flight</div>
<div class="p1">
I am the soft stars that shine at night.</div>
<div class="p1">
Do not stand at my grave and cry. </div>
<div class="p1">
I am not there. I did not die.</div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> - Robert Hepburn (In Memory of Norbert C. Gessner)</span></div>Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-34567842495725794492012-06-30T00:46:00.000-05:002012-06-30T00:46:14.299-05:00Fifty Shades of Magic Mike<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEileX-dJclQySdMf-EDLvxruhtLQeu5dk57ORvyBRTns7EZA7VKduTtU6XOBolnHJLvQcDdZAK8a_rBh29zKA25AwAE-pu_3g1oEBjmscIRJ-0VXoXpO48RfdrfnhxYh3zTx_NB1f2i9vgt/s1600/220px-50ShadesofGreyCoverArt.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEileX-dJclQySdMf-EDLvxruhtLQeu5dk57ORvyBRTns7EZA7VKduTtU6XOBolnHJLvQcDdZAK8a_rBh29zKA25AwAE-pu_3g1oEBjmscIRJ-0VXoXpO48RfdrfnhxYh3zTx_NB1f2i9vgt/s200/220px-50ShadesofGreyCoverArt.jpeg" width="132" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5e/50ShadesofGreyCoverArt.jpg/220px-50ShadesofGreyCoverArt.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Many of my friends have been reading with much enthusiasm the <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i> series. It is the hottest topic where ever two or more ladies are gathered. And today, the long hyped movie <i>Magic Mike</i> hit theaters across America. As I was walking in the mall today, I saw the ladies lined up in droves to see it.<br />
<br />
Where does the widow fit in to this frenzy? I do not intend to read the books or see the movie. Why would I put myself through that? I have enough reminders that I am alone.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnA-FYtoq_5HSutezEL0jD3SwS-6lSUu9mtxYHTHnWCw8e9rIm4bbf2DWqn_fRBAKGieS4n045lYbldmoRAQRGCRYru0vKVOljGAgcCqHs9gHI99L1qY6pfjt5bdsbxn7bwJkmYoKbmsRC/s1600/MV5BMTQzMDMzOTA5M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjc4MTg4Nw@@._V1._SY317_.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnA-FYtoq_5HSutezEL0jD3SwS-6lSUu9mtxYHTHnWCw8e9rIm4bbf2DWqn_fRBAKGieS4n045lYbldmoRAQRGCRYru0vKVOljGAgcCqHs9gHI99L1qY6pfjt5bdsbxn7bwJkmYoKbmsRC/s200/MV5BMTQzMDMzOTA5M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjc4MTg4Nw@@._V1._SY317_.jpeg" width="135" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQzMDMzOTA5M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjc4MTg4Nw@@._V1._SY317_.jpg">Photo C<span id="goog_2000338156"></span><span id="goog_2000338157"></span>redit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
There is no substitution for the physical and emotional intimacy of your spouse. Movies and books pale in comparison.<br />
<br />
So, I will continue to be Fifty Shades of Alone...and there is no magic in that.<br />
<br />
27<br />
CynaCynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-91077877287971612142012-06-28T22:52:00.000-05:002012-06-29T00:33:03.716-05:00Every Wall is a Door<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQTFqlVET1jAyr0L_QTgE8-IhvfgwlqkjlzPDkfTstMQ0POH67HIMEZ5qdzCDJmnHnT5Lb7yH0tm08vx8GoWxdD73jWCF6CpgDzXxk6pqQOpmAvFskntj5cofHYq_FTp1W8epK9HsSGXE/s1600/Is-a-wall-really-a-wall-1024x682.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQTFqlVET1jAyr0L_QTgE8-IhvfgwlqkjlzPDkfTstMQ0POH67HIMEZ5qdzCDJmnHnT5Lb7yH0tm08vx8GoWxdD73jWCF6CpgDzXxk6pqQOpmAvFskntj5cofHYq_FTp1W8epK9HsSGXE/s400/Is-a-wall-really-a-wall-1024x682.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://focusnjoy.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Is-a-wall-really-a-wall-1024x682.jpg">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">I took a step of faith and jumped off the edge of my comfort zone and took a chance on two things this month. One was a great success and I will blog on that later...</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">The other...not a success...</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">But not a failure, either.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">It has been a dead end for me. For now.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">Yes, I am disappointed.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">Yes, I have lots of questions beginning with the word "WHY."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">But I am happy for the person who was successful.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">And she will have no bigger supporter than me.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">I went into this leap of faith knowing that there were no guarantees. </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">I knew that my skills, experience and dedication were not enough.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">But I still had high hopes.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">But God has a better plan for me.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best...</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">"Every wall is a door."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">I'm anxiously awaiting my door.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">27</span></b><br />
<b>Cyna</b><br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-27943981265973294342012-06-27T11:41:00.004-05:002012-06-27T11:41:48.545-05:00The Problem with Facebook<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF1_rvjbufbtagSC1y2B2-wn-Z4lXXArRQwAvBetjlLj7770UW8LNEJSz_rF5O9eqC9pw5LZ40u6tjz-ZyF-3Etv5DILt07Vn-rfDbx06NmqX1ENvyyEqlfuUhFHHJldk5xC5VGDTGFku-/s1600/facebook-front_1796837b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF1_rvjbufbtagSC1y2B2-wn-Z4lXXArRQwAvBetjlLj7770UW8LNEJSz_rF5O9eqC9pw5LZ40u6tjz-ZyF-3Etv5DILt07Vn-rfDbx06NmqX1ENvyyEqlfuUhFHHJldk5xC5VGDTGFku-/s320/facebook-front_1796837b.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/9035396/Facebook-worth-1.1bn-to-UK-economy.html">Photo Credit</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Facebook.<br />
<br />
Unless you live under a rock, you either know what it is or actively have an account. <br />
<br />
Both my late husband and I had a Facebook account. I've continued using Facebook since his death, but now I face a dilemma. My account still says married...and while I still feel married...in reality, I am not. If I change my status to widow, I lose access to my late husband's account. <br />
<br />
Facebook does offer the option of turning my late husband's page into a "In Memory Of..." page, but they don't offer to option of me being listed as his widow. <br />
<br />
And so...my page still says "married to"... and it will until Facebook comes up with a solution that meets my need to stay connected to my late husband's page. <br />
<br />
It's one of those things I just can't let go of...<br />
<br />
27<br />
Cyna<br />
<br />
<br />Cynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776841947603695543.post-75202903927152285762012-06-21T21:56:00.000-05:002012-06-21T22:10:57.973-05:00Lessons from a Wise ManMy youngest son lost a mentor and friend this last week. Due to his age, a ripe old 92, and declining health, his passing was not unexpected, however the loss still had an impact on my child. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg99KdSyvxiGa7d_21arFoRoHa8AVcaQ1QYvs2m5jmb_kYtfnjjNaenHnlp2jZilokUaTkwnqs4rlRwwngBNFtqhtFnj-9CAbOQMjIn1ZizcL2oKoNBtROsNx0KLNVJYtSdXIpZY1vRUmTu/s1600/lessons-from-a-wise-man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg99KdSyvxiGa7d_21arFoRoHa8AVcaQ1QYvs2m5jmb_kYtfnjjNaenHnlp2jZilokUaTkwnqs4rlRwwngBNFtqhtFnj-9CAbOQMjIn1ZizcL2oKoNBtROsNx0KLNVJYtSdXIpZY1vRUmTu/s320/lessons-from-a-wise-man.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://poemsandponderings.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/lessons-from-a-wise-man.jpg">Photo Credit</a></span></td></tr>
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My son, Lee, attended a university 5 hours away from home. His roommate and his family have become near and dear to him. They have unofficially adopted him into their clan. They have provided love, wisdom, intervention, and hope for my child. I can say, without a doubt, that not only would my son not have graduated without their support, he would not have survived his father's death without them.<br />
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Lee's roommate's grandfather took a special interest in him...especially after my husband's death. Lee needed a man guiding his life...someone close, impartial, wise. My father has been gone 17 years...I have no brothers. "Granddaddy" Callary filled that gap. And I will be eternally grateful for the difference he made in Lee's life.<br />
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It is no coincidence that God placed Lee at the university he attended...nor was it a coincidence that he placed him with the perfect roommate...who had a family with love enough to go around to adopt a another son & grandson. <br />
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God is good all the time.<br />
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27<br />
CynaCynahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03183982365156445575noreply@blogger.com0