The greatest gifts that Steve gave me are my sons, Paul, Adam, and Lee. They are his living legacy. I see so much of Steve in each of them. Paul has his gift to see needs and meet them without fanfare or credit. Adam has his drive and work ethic and his beautiful blue eyes. Lee has his empathy and kindness. My sons are growing into men that would make their father very proud.
It is difficult to parent alone. Steve had such wisdom with the boys. He knew how to listen and not to push. I am a typical mother.... I am full of unwanted advice and admonitions. I guess my worse vice is my need to ask questions. Sons are just not forthcoming with much information...so I try to squeeze it out of them with a machine gun volley of queries. It drives them crazy.... and I don't know how to stop. I just want to feel like I'm a part of their life...and frankly, I feel left out. It's always been this way. However, they really did confide in Steve, and I felt that if I really needed to know something, he would tell me. Now that Steve is gone, they have lost their confidant, and they have not allowed me to take his place. Yeah, it bothers me, but it's probably merited. I tend to overreact and fret.
My sons are essentially men, but they are not completely self-sufficient. They still depend on me for financial assistance, but they have long ago not needed my emotional support...or at least that is how it seems to me. That's just something I'm going to have to deal with.
My boys do love me. Of this, I have no doubt. One son wrote in my Mother's Day card that, "Every day I thank God that you are my mother." Another son wrote, "You keep me balanced and love unyieldingly; you are kind and thoughtful, and one of the most dependable souls that I know." And the jokester son wrote on his Facebook that, "You are the best mom that I have ever had :) and I love her very very very very berry berry much!!!"
So, on this Mother's Day, I am blessed.... blessed beyond measure.