It's been a long time since I've posted.
I really didn't have anything I wanted to share.
Well, I had a lot to say, but nothing anyone wanted to hear...or read.
I survived another round of special events without my husband...my birthday, our anniversary, his birthday, and my youngest son's graduation from college. Frankly, I just didn't want to post how I was feeling. People expect me to be finding a new balance in my life...my new normal. I didn't want to disappoint with bellyaching about my grief.
I've used busyness to hide my feelings, but now, school is out. I have hours and hours of free time. I have no plans for the summer. No exotic destinations...no adventures...good gravy, I can't even focus on a book long enough to finish it. Oh, I made lists of all the things I NEED to do...even some things I want to do, but I just don't have the energy or motivation. I'd rather sleep late and do nothing. It's just easier that way.
I miss my husband.
No matter how much stuff I stuff into my days,
I still come home to an empty bed.
I still face the world and all its barbed wire alone.
I am failing at life.
I am fading in life.
And it sucks a lot.
Robert Frost wrote, "The best way out is always through."
Well, I'm slogging through quicksand, thankyouverymuch, Mr. Frost.