Feel That?

My middle son is getting married.  This past weekend they had an engagement soiree with immediate family and closest friends attending.  It was a joy to help with the preparation and planning this wonderful event.  I'm so excited to be gaining a daughter-in-love.  My heart smiled all weekend.

Now that the festivities are over, I've slumped.  The love between my son and his fiance have reminded me of the love I've lost.  Joy.  Sadness. Guilt.  The emotions jangle inside my head and heart.

God has left me here for a purpose.  My head knows that; my heart is 10 beats behind.  But my heart is beating.  I am here.  Giving up is not an option.

27
Cyna

Purpose

It's a new year.  Day one.  I wanted to start off the new year with a bang, but since I stayed in the bed all day and didn't get out of my pajamas, I'd say I pretty much fizzled.

But that is the great thing about living to see another sunrise...I get a fresh do-over every day.

I've listed aimlessly since my husband's death.  First, it was survival...then finding a semblance of order...and now I'm facing the reality that the direction of my life is all up to me.  It's time to find direction...a goal...a reason...a purpose.

I'm looking for purpose.  Real purpose.  God left me here for a purpose.  That is going to be my word for the year PURPOSE.

Maybe I'm destined to be an aging widow teacher the rest of my life.
If so, let me the BEST aging widow teacher around.

But deep in my spirit, I know God has more for me.

Father, I pray that in this new year you will reveal to me my purpose...
and that I have the eyes of my heart open so that I can see Your plan.

27
Cyna