Saturday, November 26, 2011


I've lived a few of them.

My parents created a wonderland of security and comfort through their mutual love for each other and for my sister and me.  While I didn't appreciate it then, as I look back with adult eyes, I marvel at what a perfect childhood I had.  My parents gave me firm roots.  They had a bit of trouble with the wings part, but as a parent, I now appreciate that.

My childhood was my first fairytale life and while my childhood ended, I still, even today, reap the benefits of that life.

My marriage was my next fairytale

Steve and I had a storybook meeting...a blind date that would have never happened had we not been snowed in. the deep south.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Our life followed the true fairytale course...courtship, engagement, marriage, children, career success, etc.  There were "trolls" under some of our life's bridges, a wicked witch with a poison apple and few other dragons to slay to make our marriage work.  With a little bit of fairy dust and a lot of work, we endured.

This fairytale ended with Steve's death.  

Is there another fairytale for my life?  Is God's finger still writing?
I find myself looking so longingly at the pages of my ended story, that I don't think I would see a new story even if the book fell open before me. 
It's hard to move forward when you keep looking back.

I want a new fairytale.
Oh, Lord, what do you have planned for me? 


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Rising after a Fall

What titles describe me?  Mother, daughter, sister, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, aunt, niece, cousin, friend, teacher, widow...

So many titles....but I focus on the one:  WIDOW.

While being a widow will always be a part of my life's story...does it define me?  
Is that all I am?
Why, no!

So why do I make that title so important?
Would it diminish my love for Steve to choose to view myself as ME rather than me the WIDOW?

Steve's death certainly caused me to fall,
but I am rising.

How does the world define me now?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Losing my husband shattered me. 
My heart was battered.
My spirit hopelessly broken.

Over the last 15 months God has slowly put the broken pieces of my life back together.  I do believe this would have been a more efficient process if I had put Him completely in charge...but sometimes I forget the job of God is filled.

It's all about TRUST.  I begin to heal when I trusted God...His reasons for taking Steve...His promise to never leave me or forsake me...His plan for my life and future.

I've been listening to a Contemporary Christian band named Fireflight.  Their song, "Unbreakable," really speaks to me and mirrors my feelings on my journey toward wholeness. 

I am ready to be UNBREAKABLE.


Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see?
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better 

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust