Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Fly Away

"Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here." young Jenny from Forest Gump

My husband made all the major decisions in our life. He burdened all the worries, handled the finances, and protected me from anything that would make me fret. Only in retrospect do I realize what a charmed life I led with this wonderful man.

The last two weeks have been brutal for me. I placed Steve's headstone, spent a lot of time with my attorney (great guy...but all I do is sit there and cry), tackled my taxes (yes, very, very late...but I had 6 returns to get ready), and dealt with the blow of having the sale of my late husband's business, which had been in the works for almost 5 months, fall apart. Never have I needed my husband more. And I have no other man in my life that can help me shoulder these burdens. My father is dead and I have no brothers. While my sons are as helpful as they can be, I essentially had to do all this alone.

I finally crashed and burned.....curling up in a ball in my bed crying for hours. Like little Jenny in the movie Forest Gump....I wanted to be a bird so I could fly far, far away....away from all the responsibilities, worries, decisions, heart aches, lonliness, and pain.

Then a remarkable thing happened. A friend showed up....crawled right up in the bed with me and helped me cry. Then another friend came...and we cried as a trio. Finally, my mother, who lives 70 miles away, showed up. Then my sister-in-law (who has been a source of constant encouragement and strength for me) called. Then all my boys got in the bed and we became a flash mob of tears and togetherness.

I realized...."flying" away from here wouldn't lessen my grief, but it would take me away from the support system that has been my lifeline these long months since Steve's death. So, I'm counting my blessings....beginning with the 7 people who were physically or emotionally there for me when I "dropped my basket."


1 comment:

julie said...

I am so glad you have such great support. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be in your shoes BUT I do know that you are strong and faithful and you will be through this. Keep writing!