Sunday, September 18, 2011

This Hole in My Heart

Yes, I still have a hole in my heart.  I know many think that I should have healed from my loss and started with my new beginning.  Believe me, I've tried.  I've stuffed a lot of things into that hole trying to fill it up.  Nothing fits quite right...and nothings ever fills it.

I've begun to think that the hole will be there forever.  Even when the tears have lessened... and the pain is not so raw...I think the hole will remain.  You see, Steve carved a place into my very soul.  Years of love and togetherness made his place secure.  And now that he is gone, there is nothing that can fill the void of his absence.

I've decided that it is my job to find something positive to do with that hole.  I think turning it into a wellspring of goodness is a start.  I have much to give and God willing, a lot of years left to give it.

What's in my well?
Willingness to listen
Openness to others
Bringing out the best in others

All these things I can do.  Steve would be proud to have the place he carved in my soul filled with good things.  I think it would make me proud, too, for it would be finding a way to let God's light shine from a place of darkness.

And darkness has no place in the light of Christ.



A Myeloma Widow's Journey said...

This is lovely, Cyna. My one year is coming up this week and that 'hole in my heart' is feeling pretty big right now. I do love the positive idea of turning that hole into a wellspring of goodness. I'm going to think about what's in my well and get started.

Anonymous said...

beautifully said. i especially like the image of Steve's 'well' being filled with enriching emotions and feelings. Well said, well said, Cyna.