In 1995, I buried my father on Dec. 24th. Christmas has never been the same for me, much to the angst of my children and husband.
Last year was my first Christmas without Steve. It was a blur...only a few months after his death. I took my sons and went away for a tropical respite. It was what we needed...to be away...to be warm...to be together.This year, work schedules, commitments, and finances make a trip away an impossibility. I've had to face this holiday head-on.
The tree...a live one as family tradition dictates...was purchased just after Thanksgiving. However, it stayed on the porch for almost two weeks. I finally got it up a week ago, but it remained naked (or as we say in the South "neeked") until two days ago.
My youngest son helped me put on all the ornaments. My ornaments are not classically beautiful, but each is a memory. It was like walking through a visual timeline of my life.
My late husband's ornaments were saved and put on a small secondary tree. It has a place of honor...right by the nativity scene. I have a rolled up note with Steve's gift...a tradition I started last year. I take the money I would have spent on a gift for him and do for another in need. He would have liked that. He was that kind of man.
All my friends received gifts made by my hands...a first for me. Making them made me feel useful...creative...and each gift was made with love.
The major gift buying for my family is done...I'm down to the stocking stuffers. I only need a few more things to make everything complete.
It would be remiss of me if I said that I have "survived" getting ready for Christmas. It has been tough...there have been tears...there have been low periods. However, there has been light in this season for me. Why?
Because I took my eyes off of me and turned them toward others. In giving to others, I fully embraced the true meaning of Christmas. Jesus would want His birthday celebrated that way.
So forgive my silence these past few weeks as I focused on others. Know that in doing so, I have worked toward healing me.
Christmas blessings to you all!
27
Cyna
1 comment:
Cyna, it's my first Christmas since my husband died. My family and I cut down a tree, as we always did, a few weeks ago. It remained on the patio until tonight. My son brought it into the house and set it up. I spent the entire night crying while I put the lights on and the few ornaments I was able to get through. I went through 4 hankies...just couldn't stop crying. The tree is beautiful. My husband would have loved it. Trying hard to make the best of it~
Post a Comment