Saturday, January 28, 2012

Closed Door

It's getting harder and harder to write blog posts. 
I don't want to share what's on my heart because it's not positive.
I'm in a slump...a blue season. 
I can't really describe it, but I'm pulling inward. 
It's like I want to disappear.

I adopted the word PURPOSE for 2012.
I hoped it would make me look beyond my loss
and find something to look forward to instead
of looking back all the time.
But this new year has not been kind to me.

I see no purpose for me.
I am shrinking an inch at a time.
I realized that I am alone most of the time.
Even though my sons live with me
they have their on lives and I am only
marginally included.

When they are financially independent
they will leave me too.
They talk of far away places...
Then I will be completely alone.

I didn't know what a huge part of me died with Steve.
There is nothing that will ever bring that back to me.
I will never be the same again.
I will walk alone the rest of my life.
I will keep all my secrets inside.
I will tackle all my battles solo.
I'm a widow.

I'm a widow.
My door is closed.


No comments: