Saturday, April 23, 2011

Brick Wall

“But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. And I didn’t know if I’d ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.”
- Sarah Dessen

I saw this quote on another widow's blog.  She said that this quote embodied her feelings on the day her husband died and the months and years that followed.

Like this widow, I never thought I’d be here.
Steve gone.  Me alone.

I loved that man with all my heart.  We had a good life...with hills and valleys, as any other marriage.  But it was the life I wanted...he wanted.  I couldn't wait to grow old with this generous, wonderful, wise, goofy man.

I'll grow old without him.  But I will have to live.
LIVE...not exist. 

Steve would be so disappointed if I curled up in my room and refused to face the world.  He would want me to set new goals, go on adventures, find new joys... He taught me HOW to really live a life with no boundaries.  I would dishonor him to live in a box.

Like my fellow widow who said the winds of time and her husband's love helped her to come to the realization that she would have to get up....and start breathing once again.
There is so much truth in her words, and I will hold her wisdom close to my heart...

I hit the wall…
But I stood up.
I’m standing.
Now I need to live.


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